The Bi-Pedal Dilemma
by Spectral-Aspen
Summary: During a battle Sideswipe accidentally causes Wheeljack's latest (previously untested) inventions to go off and Ravage is caught in the blast.
1. So it Begins

_[404]_

So, Ravage is my favourite cassette, and I want to show her some love.

I don't think this will ever count as love, but I'm going with it.

The overall tone of the story is meant to be humorous, but the end of this chapter is somewhat dark... and once I get past the whole 'introduce the plot' part I'll be able to do whatever with this because I love shenanigans and this opens up so many opportunities for shenanigans. There will be very little actual plot.

* * *

><p>I stand on top of a small cliff, watching the idiots below me as the fighting degenerates into the petty name calling and insulting right on schedule.<p>

If the humans ever got brave enough to watch, they'd probably laugh themselves silly.

"Hey, Kitty!"

I look down at the red Autobot twin as he throws a shiny spherical object at me, wincing as it sticks in the rock directly below me.

"You idiot! You could have at lest hit it!"

I flinch internally.

Stupid Autobots, I am far more than a mere 'it.'

"No! You're both idiots! I haven't even tested that!"

I look down again at the Autobot inventor, frowning as he berates the twins, helm fins flashing obnoxiously bright.

Haven't even...

I look down at the sphere in horror, and now that I'm paying attention I can hear a rapid beeping.

Then the beeping quickly changes to a single, high pitched whine, and everything goes black.

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I bolt upright, prepared to maul something, when I hear Frenzy start swearing.

He wouldn't be swearing with _that _tone if there were any danger nearby.

I look over the side of what I can now recognize as a berth in the med-bay, and frown down at my cursing brother. "You alright, Frenzy?"

He stops abruptly and stares at me, and I freeze.

Since when did my voice sound like _that_?!

It's deep, and flowing... musical, even.

I sit up, and freeze again.

My altmode is a _panther,_ I should not be able to sit up as I just did.

I shutter my optics briefly, silently praying that what I think has happened has not actually happened.

Deep intake.

I look down nervously.

I'm later told that my enraged shriek could be heard from the command center, the _soundproofed _command center, but at the moment I couldn't care less.

When I next see that inventor and those twins, I'm going to botnap them, and torture them until they are too tired to beg.

Then I'll have Hook fix them, and do it all again.

Over and over again.

My servo clenches into a fist, and I can feel my wings vibrating in rage.

I slide off the side of the med-berth, two heeled pedes landing softly next to Frenzy.

They will suffer for what they have done to me.

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p>

If this idea is not, in fact, original, please let me know.


	2. I Want Them To Die

_[257]_

The adventure continues :D

I know how "part 2" is going to start (it's amazing) but I don't know _when... _so everything is not me winging it, basically. Updates will be sporadic.

* * *

><p>"Come in."<p>

If I were thinking clearly, I'd have noticed Meatron's amused undertone.

As it is, I'm furious.

I storm into the officer's meeting room, having known Megatron was there due to my bond with Soundwave, and come to a halt a ways away from Megatron (he's really, really tall Okay? no judging).

I cross my arms over my breast-plate, a small part of me gloriously happy that I can now do so.

"Permission to speak, Ravage." I glare up at Megatron.

"I would like permission to go after those retarded twins and the blinky-headed idiot."

It takes him a moment to answer, and I can see him try to hide his surprised expression at the sound of my new voice.

"Permission denied."

What?

"May I ask why?" I say, doing my best to sound polite.

Now he even _looks _amused.

"I will not allow you to go and grievously inure yourself. You are in a completely different frame, Ravage. That means that everything you do will require different plans and actions to take that into account."

I calm down a bit, both because of the soothing pulses Soundwave is sending through the bond, and because what Megatron says makes sense.

I don't want to admit how hard it was to walk here with _heels._

"If it is any consolation, Ravage," I look up as Megatron starts talking again, a rather evil smirk on his faceplates, "I will make those three priority one omega targets in our next encounter."

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p>

You will find out what a priority one omega target is next chapter. Right after me.


	3. Fruits

_[1064]_

_name: mission comm. line_

"Spoken Cybertronian"

(random thoughts, take these as you wish)

Wow. Look at all the plot. This would have been posted sooner, but I'm _trying _to keep things light and humerous and my rough drafts were all decidedly less so... bah.

* * *

><p>We ended up not waiting until the next battle to target the three responsible for Ravage's... situation.<p>

"Here come the Autobots."

I look over at Starscream, he's looking oddly triumphant.

Maybe it's because Ravage let him plan this attack?

Regardless, his smirk is wider than normal, and I sincerely hope Ravage knew what she was doing when she requested he be put in charge.

Megatron looks down at me in amusement, "And he think he'd be a better leader than me," he sighs quietly, "at least I don't announce the Autobot's presence, do I, Laserbeak?" I look up at him, knowing he doesn't actually expect me to answer. Instead I give a little chirp, something that could be interpreted as both a _no, of course you don't _or a _yes, that's exactly what you do._

Starscream looks around the area we're in, making sure everything is in place, before opening the mission comm. link.

_Starscrem: Everyone ready?_

_Vortex: Of course. And look! There's blinky! And the Fruit Twins!_

Megatron, Starscream and I all pause and look at each other in confusion.

_Starscream: The _Fruit _Twins?_

I can just imagine Vortex's insane/gleeful cackle.

_Vortex: Yeah! The red one is the same colour as an apple, and the yellow one is the same colour as a banana!_

That makes a surprising amount of sense.

Onslaught's calm voice comes over the comm. link.

_Onslaught: We are in position, Starscream._

Starscream looked relieved to hear something not insane that he could work with.

_Starscream: Good. Don't screw up, and we'll have those half-bits at our mercy._

We're all spread out behind and in various abandoned buildings, the town having been (very) recently abandoned. Megatron and I are behind the building next to Starscream's, and the Combaticons are hidden behind some buildings across the main street from us. The Autobots are currently, like the idiots they are, driving up the main street towards the center of town, apparently not concerned with the possibility of hidden Decepticons.

In addition to Wheeljack and the... Fruit... Twins, the Autobots Bluestreak, Cliffjumper, and Inferno have come out.

Starscream made sure the alert was near the inventor's patrol route, and I made sure it coincided with a time the Fruits were on standby. The rest of the Autobots are irrelevant, mere annoyances.

The Autobots stop in the middle of the town square, a few blocks away from where we are hidden.

"Do you think it was a false alarm?" That would be... Inferno?

"It could have been I mean I don't see why the Decepticons would bother with a little place like this because there is not only no strategic value in it but there are no factories or power plants or anything that they could get energy from and I wonder where all the people went I mean it looks like there are still people living here but I haven't seen anyone yet do you think the Decepticons are here because that would explain why there are no people here-"

"Blue, we get it. This place is creepy and there's no reason the Cons would be here."

That would be Bluestreak and the apple twin. (Damn it Vortex.)

"This _organic matter _is getting my paint _dirty_. It's _disgusting._"

The banana twin. (This fruit thing is ridiculous, but easier than their actual names I guess...)

"Maybe there was a disease outbreak here? I'll look around."

Blinky.

"You shouldn't go on your own 'Jack, the Cons might be here."

Cliffjumper.

"We'll come with you 'Jack!" Apple sounds ridiculously cheerful.

"We will?" Banana sounded decidedly less so.

"Course we will! C'mon Jack, let's go get some samples." There has got to be something wrong with the apple twin, no way is anyone _that _obnoxiously cheerful.

"How is he still online?" I look up at Megatron's irritated grumble, glad I'm not the only one to think that the apple twin is confusing. Perhaps Vortex will find out when he's staying with us? The Combaticon is so very good at what he does.

"Let's start on the main road, it was probably the busiest, so chances of finding a human there, or something recently in contact with a human, are high."

"Yeah, yeah, we don't need a play-by-play. We need to hurry up and get out of here so I can clean this slag off."

"Relax Daffy, I'll take this over cleaning the washracks any cycle."

"DAFFY? My designation, bolt-brain, is _Sunstreaker._ Say it with me. Sun. Streaker"

We can hear the trio's pedesteps as the walk back down the main road.

"Yeah, okay, we'll look around over here then..." That would be Cliffjumper again.

_Starscream: Everyone ready?_

We all quietly confirm, and just as Starscream is about to give to order to attack the ground starts to shake.

"Ummm... Jack? What's going on?"

Yes, we'd like to know that too.

"Well, Sideswipe, this town appears to be near a fault line. It's probably just an earthquake."

_"Just an earthquake?"_ Banana twin sounds as horrified as I feel.

A loud crack echoes around the town, and the ground starts to shake even more.

"It would explain why the town's abandoned." How is blinky so calm?

"WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Cliffjumper's really loud for a minibot.

"Yeah we just got a call from the Ark and Optimus says that if they're no humans then we should get out of here before we get caught and need to be rescued-"

"Less talking more driving Blue."

"Okay."

The sounds of transformation can barely be heard above the creaking and groaning of houses.

_Onslaught: Starscream, might I suggest a tactical retreat?_

Somehow a derisive snort can be heard above the earthquake and shaking houses.

_Vortex: No matter what words you put in front of it, a retreat is still a retreat._

Starscream looks reigned, and I wonder if he half expected this to fail.

_Starscream: Yes... we will retreat. _

Megatron looks oddly thoughtful.

_Megatron: Imagine that..._

Starscream stares, confusion evident.

_Starscream: What?_

He sounds scared. Looking at Megatron's sudden smile, I think I am too.

_Megatron: I can't blame you for this._

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p>

This was my way of temporarily getting out of explaining what a priority one omega target is, because I'm still working out the details... Worry not, Ravage will get her revenge.

Anyone have any suggestions? XD


	4. Dressing Down

_[1349]_

Sorry this has taken a while to get out. This is the second draft, and while it is far more humorous than the first, there is still actual plot in this and several parts are not as funny as the rest.

This chapter has 2 points of view. The change is obvious.

I view a gestalt link as a weird kind of bond.

[mech]: bond talk:

"spoken Cybertronian"

* * *

><p>"Let me get this straight," we all stare at Ravage as she paces back and forth in front of us, every step clicking angrily as her heels meet the floor of the command center, "not only did you fail to get even a single one of the targets, but you're telling me that the <em>reason <em>for this failure was a simple _earthquake?" _She stops halfway down the line and glares at us all, her slender frame radiating pure fury.

"Ravage we-"

She snarls at Starscream as he attempts to explain, and we all look down at her in wordless surprise. He is still second in command of the Decepticon Armada, has she completely lost her senses?

"Have you half-bits all forgotten that _you can fly?" _Oh. Right. Even those of us with ground-based alt-modes have anti-gravity thrusters._ "_An _earth_quake should not have been a challenge for you! You could have taken off and shot at the Autobots while they were disoriented and confused and accomplished the mission, but _no~o _you had to forget you could fly and let a simple earthquake stop you!"

If she were not so right, I would doubtlessly feel compelled to stop her rant, but she does have a point. Decepticon air superiority has always been a great advantage. Perhaps our time on this pathetic organic world has dulled our combat abilities?

Starscream winces as she jabs a clawed digit up at his canopy, but otherwise doesn't react. His status as the Decepticon Air Commander, as well as the mech that planned the attack, seems to have made him Ravage's primary target for the time being.

Better him than me.

A feeling of amusement filters over the gestalt link.

[Vortex]: Hey boss, you think she's gonna finish any time soon?:

I allow myself to return the feeling, a smirk crossing my faceplates beneath my battle mask.

[Onslaught]: She is raising some valid points.:

Vortex shuffles, his rotors clinking lightly against each other, and we all brace ourselves, hoping the noise has not redirected Ravage's ire.

Nope. She's still raging at Starscream, though if the small scratch marks on Megatron's abdominal plating (the highest place on him she can reach) are anything to go by, then she is at least alternating between the two officers.

I wonder where Soundwave is.

[Vortex]: Valid her points may be, there are only so many ways she can repeat them before they start to get repetitive, despite how nice her voice is now.:

I manage to ignore Vortex's last comment, not really wanting to think about why he's fixated on Ravage's voice.

A quiet hiss signals the opening of the command room doors, and I have to resist turning to see who has just come in.

It wouldn't do for Ravage to think I was ignoring her.

"Ravage. Desist."

Everyone currently facing Ravage's wrath relaxes a bit at the sound of Soundwave's voice. Hopefully he will be able to halt Ravage's furious tirade.

She glares at him, servos clenched, wings vibrating with suppressed rage, and we all hold our intakes.

Soundwave doesn't even flinch.

Suddenly Ravage snarls, turning sharply and stalking out of the command room without another word.

[Vortex]: What the frag did he do?:

I glance down at Vortex, wondering why he cares. He tilts his helm a bit, staring at Soundwave.

[Vortex]: I wonder if he can teach me how to do that.:

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"Well," all optics in the command room turn to look at Starscream, "that was terrifying."

For once the admission of fear and weakness is not taken advantage of, but agreed with by all those present.

Onslaught nods, his calm voice shaded with a hint of amusement, "Ravage is far more fearsome than anyone her height has a right to be."

I briefly wonder what my eldest creation has done to elicit such a reaction from my fellow command staff. Surely she did not harm anyone to the point of psychological scarring? Nobody appears to be physically damaged, neither do they appear insane or traumatized... at least, no more than they were before the botched mission. Vortex is staring at me as usual, though this time it seems a little more intense than normal.

"On that I think we can all agree," I look in surprise at Megatron, now far more curious and a touch apprehensive to know what exactly it is Ravage has done to the Decepticons involved with the failed mission.

Megatron turns solemnly to me, an approving glint in his optics, and I notice several scratches on his abdominal armour, "You have raised a fearsome femme, Soundwave. I am glad Ravage is on our side."

Primus above, what exactly did she _do?_

Stay calm. There is no way Ravage would dare assault Lord Megatron, much less _frighten _him.

"Lord Megatron. Praise unnecessary. Ravage. Fierce regardless of upbringing."

Stay. Calm. The fact that your own creation can scare Megatronis _impressive_.

Yes. Impressive. That's exactly the word for it...

Megatron smirks at me, "Regardless, she is a valuable asset. Now," he turns to look around at the assembled mechs, amusement gone, "You do recall that I made the Autobots Wheeljack, Sideswipe, and Sunstreaker priority one omega targets?"

Everyone straightens at the mood shift, slipping easily into a planning mindset with a nod, remembering what was promised after Ravage came swirling into the command center, rage and indignation coming off of her in palatable waves that doubtlessly had the more cowardly Decepticons running away in terror with grim determination.

"Well, as you also doubtlessly know our first attempt to kidnap those three was a failure, not, for once, due to poor planning," Megatron pointedly avoids looking at Starscream, "but because this is an unpredictable planet and we were caught in an earthquake, of all things."

Starscream speaks up, "I have already come up with several new plans, if you would like to see them?" He looks at Megatron, the action devoid of the usual arrogance and scorn.

Confusing and interesting.

Megatron looks at Starscream with thinly veiled surprise and wariness. "Of course."

With a nod Starscream plugs into the tactical holo-table we're all sitting around, uploading his plans in a mere click.

A layout of the land around Mt. St. Hilary forms above the table, the Ark's thrusters mockingly sticking out of the base.

"The first plan I came up with is simple. We attack the Autobot Base and draw the Autobots out. Those Twins will doubtlessly come out, and we can get them then. If the engineer doesn't come out then we can send a small unit into the Ark to get him while the rest of the Autobots are distracted." Starscream shrugs, lookup around at us all, "It's hardly complex, but they will probably be expecting it to be something more and completely misjudge our actual purpose until it is too late."

Megatron looks thoughtfully at the plan set up in the holo-table before glancing quickly around at all of us. "Let's do it."

Starscream looks shocked. "No objections? Alterations? Complaints?"

Megatron looks at him with amusement, though I can see there is sadness there as well, "No. This is, as you said, so simple that it is brilliant."

Starscream is obviously unsure of how to handle the praise, but he doesn't cover it with a sneer and sarcasm as he normally does, instead ducking his helm in a manner that is both embarrassed and respectful.

Interesting. Perhaps Ravage's transformation is affecting us more than I had previously considered.

Megatron smirks, "We attack in one Earth rotation. Ensure you are prepared. Failure is not an option," a mischievous glint lights his optics, "I would rather not face the wrath of Ravage more than once this orn."

* * *

><p>This is a little blip that I wanted to put in Soundwave's part, but couldn't find a place that really fit:<p>

_Starscream has scratches on his canopy, a canopy that he has coated with a clear material strong enough to prevent shattering and that has likely seen more polish this last orn than that yellow Autobot twin has in his entire existence._

Thoughts? Ideas? Blatant spelling/grammatical errors?


	5. Finally Captured

_[1152]_

Sorry for the wait!

For all of this chapter, everyone is communicating via a faction-wide network so everyone in the battle can talk to each other. Ravage, and everyone not in the battle, are not included in this link.

* * *

><p><em>Starscream: Fruit twins spotted. Initiating capture now.<em>

I briefly look up from my position above Wheeljack's lab, even though I won't possibly be able to see what's happening on the battle field.

_Onslaught: I can't believe you're actually calling them that._

A quick glance through the ventilation grate shows Wheeljack _still _hasn't moved.

_Skywarp: I like it! Can we all have code names?_

It'd be hilarious if he was recharging. Unbelievably pathetic, and slightly disturbing (his comrades are _in a battle _right now), but still hilarious.

_Thundercracker: Is it still a code name if it has _twins _in it, and the only other set of twins are Decepticons?_

He has to be recharging, there's now way he would be able to sit that still during a battle is he wasn't recharging.

_Frenzy: You could change it to Fruit twits. That even starts with the same three letters._

A noise that sounds suspiciously like a snore comes from the prone form of the inventor.

_Vortex: That's even better! Good job primary twin # 1._

What did he just call Frenzy?

_Frenzy: Primary twin # 1?_

Do I even want to know?

_Vortex: Yeah, because you and your brother are primary colours._

Well. That's a remarkably tame reason. I was worried that because it was, you know, _Vortex,_ that came up with it that there would be a weird and morally plausible explanation.

_Rumble: Why aren't I the number one twin?_

There's a pause, and when Vortex answers it's in a tone that clearly conveys his thoughts on Rumble's intelligence (or rather, the obvious lack of).

_Vortex: Because F comes before R in the alphabet._

An explosion rocks the Ark, and I nearly jump out of my armour as Wheeljack comes back online with a shout. He flails about, desperately trying to stay on the stool he's sitting on, and failing miserably. I wince at the _thud _he makes when he hits the ground.

_Rumble: Hey, Beak, was that Tirejack?_

I quietly hiss in annoyance. I swear he calls him that on purpose. He knows how much it bothers me when he forgets the Autobots designations! Doesn't he read my reports?

_Laserbeak: It's _Wheel_jack, and no, that wasn't him. The explosion actually woke him up._

There's a pregnant pause as everyone takes that in.

_Frenzy: He was _recharging? _During a _battle?

Wheeljack stand up, rubbing his aft and muttering about incompetent fools.

_Laserbeak: Yes._

He quickly grabs a few things that don't look like they could possibly be useful, subspaces them, and sprints outside.

_Rumble: And I thought Frenzy was weird..._

_Frenzy: Hey!_

Why do I have such stupid brothers?

_Laserbeak: He just left the lab. He should be heading your way now._

_Starscream: Good. Anything else?_

I pause, wondering briefly if it's worth mentioning. An image of a strange machine made from the random things he grabbed flashed in my processor, as well as an image of Ravage, an example of the results of Wheeljack's last invention.

_Laserbeak: He grabbed a bunch of things before he left. I have no idea what they are, and it didn't look to me like they could possibly be useful in a battle, but they must have been important._

A flurry of curses stream from Starscream's end before he cuts out, and I start heading towards the entrance of the Ark.

_Laserbeak: Starscream?_

Megatron interjects, his voice betraying his amusement.

_Megatron: Starscream got a little too close to Wheeljack as he was coming out of the Ark__and is now an... unfortunate colour._

That doesn't sound too bad.

_Laserbeak: What colour?_

Rumble buts in gleefully.

_Rumble: He matches the Ark__now!_

Oh dear. That _is _unfortunate.

_Frenzy: Primus, Starscream! A little warning before you fly near me would be nice! You're paintjob hurts my optics..._

_Starscream: Oh for the love of Primus, Frenzy! It's not _that _bad._

Nobody says anything for a long moment.

_Skywarp: I think it's nice._

Starscream answers with an unbelievable amount of sarcasm.

_Starscream: Oh, thank you for that Skywarp, I feel _so _much better now._

And Skywarp, of course, purposefully ignores the abundant sarcasm.

_Skywarp: I know. I'm awesome like that._

I have to wonder if anyone is taking this seriously.

_Onslaught: This little sideshow is all well and good, but we still have to capture Wheeljack._

I can feel the overall mood drop considerably.

_Rumble: Party pooper._

_Onslaught: As much as listening to that was only moderately painful, I do not wish to face your sister's wrath more than once._

Frenzy laughs.

_Frenzy: Now you know why we don't piss her off to often!_

Everyone pauses as Brawl happily comes into the conversation.

_Brawl: I got him! He is very easy to tackle. He knows lots of weird languages. Can I hit him again?_

_Onslaught: If it's who I think it is, then no, you can't hit him. We need his processor intact._

_Vortex: Leave me a piece! I don't think Ravage would be _too _sad if I had a little fun with him... I'd send a recording to her, of course._

That's a disturbing idea, but all things considered Ravage would probably be happy to watch Wheeljack spend some quality time with Vortex.

_Brawl: I'm taking him back. You guys coming?_

_Thundercracker: We have the twi-_

_Skywarp:-FRUIT TWINS! Primus, TC, use their code names!_

_Thundercracker: ...I'm not saying that._

_Starscream: You can debate names later. Megatron, we have completed the objectives._

I peek out of the Ark's entrance, and watch as Megatron kicks Optimus Prime between the legs before calling a retreat, laughing evilly all the way.

_Laserbeak: That was very mature of you, my lord._

Ironhide rushed over to Prime with a grimace and helps him up.

_Megatron: I've been wanting to do that for a while now._

Optimus waves Ironhide off and starts walking stiffly towards the Ark's entrance. I quickly duck back into my vent.

_Rumble: What did he do?_

I watch some mechs shoot Prime sympathetic looks, and I have to wonder if they've even noticed they're missing a few comrades.

_Laserbeak: He kicked Prime between the legs._

Everyone starts laughing, and smugness is practically radiating from Megatron's end.

_Frenzy: But... we don't have anything there to hurt like the humans do._

Surprisingly it's Skywarp that answers.

_Skywarp: Doesn't matter! It actually makes it worse! To be taken down by a crotch-shot when there's nothing there to hurt is humiliating!_

I peek down as I hear Ratchet, "Primus frag it, Wheeljack! Where are you? Get your shiny aft over here _now!_"

Then Bluestreak's voice comes, far quieter than Ratchet, "Has anyone seen Sideswipe or Sunstreaker?"

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p>

**All spelling/grammatical errors are my own! **Please point them out for me if you notice any!


	6. Different Kinds of Revenge

_[1909]_

_Flashback_

**[PoV Character]**

Present Time

* * *

><p><strong>[Frenzy]<strong>

"So how'd it go?" I ask Ravage gleefully, knowing that she wouldn't be so worked-up if her trip to the brig had been boring.

She glares at me, wings twitching furiously, and sits down on our couch with a huff. "You _don't _want to know." She growls, and I grin, jumping up to sit next to her. "Go bother someone else." She shoves me off with a snarl, and I rest my forearms on the couch, looking up at her with the most innocent expression I can manage.

"Ple~ase Ravage? The others are all busy and I'm _so lonely_." She stares down at me for a moment longer before sighing, her anger seeming to drain away.

"Fine, Frenzy, but I don't want _any _interruptions from you." She glares at me, "Got it?"

I nod, happy she's not radiating fury anymore, and jump back up onto the couch. She grudgingly lets me lean against her, kind of like when she was a panther and would curl up around me. I push the nostalgic thought aside, no use getting worked up about it now. Hopefully the inventor will be able to fix Ravage.

She smirks a bit, "You would not believe the first thing I heard from those three idiots..."

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**_[Ravage]_**

_"What's a femme like you doing in a dump like this?" I stare at Sideswipe incredulously, and I hear Sunstreaker mutter something that sounds like 'oh, Primus, here we go.' _

_After everything I've gone through, the entire emotional rollercoaster that has come with an entirely new frame, the fury I've been feeling for what was done to me, and this is the first thing I hear when I walk into the bring and within the Twins' line of sight? _

_I glare through the dully glowing bars of the cell, wishing I had optical lasers so I could physically burn a hole in the stupid Autobot with the fury I'm currently feeling. _

_"YOU DID THIS TO ME!" I screech, and out of the corner of my optics I see Vortex flinch at the sound of my normally musical voice raised to such a screechy pitch. _

_Sideswipe stares blankly at me, "What?"_

_Vortex snorts at the oh-so-intelligent answer, and it's all I can do to keep from ripping the stupid red twin to shreds. _

_Maybe talking slowly will help?_

_"You. Did. This. To. Me." _

_Sideswipe leans over to Sunstreaker, "I think she's glitched," he whispers loudly. _

_Vortex subtly steps away from me._

_"I AM NOT GLITCHED YOU OBNOXIOUS RED IDIOT!" _

_The three Autobots wince and cover their audials, but I can see Wheeljack staring at me with dawning understanding. "Ravage?" He asks uncertainly, and Sideswipe and Sunstreaker whip around to stare at the blinky inventor in shock. _

_Sunstreaker recovers first, and starts staring at me, eyes my up like some strange object._

_Sideswipe, ever the intelligent one, stares blankly between me and Wheeljack. "What?"_

_Vortex finally speaks up, walking forward from where he was not-so-subtly hiding, "You rejects turned Ravage into this," he gestures at me, "and we need you," he points accusingly at Wheeljack, "to fix her, and you," he points gleefully at the twins, "to help boost morale around here."_

_All three Autobots stare blankly at Vortex, and I can't help but sigh, my anger forgotten. Maybe they're always this stupid?_

_"But," Wheeljack looks confused, "we'd have helped you if you asked."_

_I twitch. Wheeljack flinches. "Do you mean to tell me," I say quietly, "that you think that we would _ever_, in a million vorns, walk up to _your_base, which happen to the a base that houses the faction we've been fighting for Primus-only-knows how long, and ask for _help?"

_Wheeljack winces, "'Kay, maybe not."_

_Sideswipe stands up and looks at me and Vortex curiously, and a touch apprehensively, "What'd you mean Sunny and I'd be morale boosters?"_

_I glance over at Vortex with a grin before turning back to Sideswipe. "Well," I shrug, "I may have been a little, what's the word-"_

_"Scary and emotional," Vortex happily interjects, ignoring my glare._

_"-yes, scary and emotional after my unexpected transformation, and Decepticon morale suffered for it." I look at the Twins, a happy smile stretching my faceplates, "But now you're here! And the two of you are two thirds of the reason for my current predicament, and thus two thirds responsible for the current state of morale!" Said twins are now looking a little scared. "There are lots of mechs here that would love to have some quality time with you two, and I personally think that having your undivided attention would make a lot of mechs around here very, very happy."_

_Wheeljack is staring at me with horror, but I honestly don't care. It's not my fault the Twins have managed to slag off every single Decepticon on Earth, and quite a few still on Cybertron too._

_"Any more questions?" I look from the Twins to Wheeljack, then over at Vortex, who's quietly humming a random song and bouncing up and down. Crazy helicopter._

_The Twins don't answer, and look very, very scared, while Wheeljack is muttering what sound like calculations under his breath. They'd better be related to fixing me. _

_I nod to the bouncing Combaticon, "Have fun, Tex," and walk out of the bring, ready to recharge. Hopefully then I'll be able to get a better handle in my emotions._

_Vortex spins around and, as I walk out of the bring, I can hear him singing about apples and bananas._

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**[Frenzy]**

"Okay," I look up at Ravage with a frown, "but that doesn't explain why you were so mad when you came in."

She stares at me, and just when I think she's going to shove me off the couch and leave me to my wondering she sighs. "Fine, I'll tell you."

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**_[Ravage]_**

_I'm walking through the lower levels, not quite ready to go back to the living space my siblings and I all share with Soundwave, but also not wanting to actually have to deal with anyone else just yet, when I hear something. It's muffled, but I can tell it's coming from a storage room I just passed, so I turn around and open the door._

_All the sounds stop, and I get the feeling something's wrong, so I scan the room. _

_Three energy signatures come back, and they're all very small, so unless it's my siblings, it's the Reflectors. _

_I enter the room and let the door close behind me, being careful not to make a sound. After a moment the noise starts up again, and now I can recognize the Reflectors' voices. I walk over to where they're gathered behind a stack of empty transportation crates to find them all looking at a datapad. _

_"What are you doing?" I ask, careful to keep the suspicion out of my voice._

_The three idiots jump and whirl around to face me, and Viewfinder subspaces the datapad. Does he think I'm stupid? I totally saw that! _

_"Nothing," They say in synch, and I glare at them, intentionally flaring my narrowed optics._

_"Give it to me, now." They look at each other nervously before taking off, each of them in a different direction._

_I snarl and chase after Viewfinder, knowing he's the one with the datapad. _

_He sprints out of the room and down the hallway, and I chase after him. Once again I desperately wish for my old form, it was so much faster in close quarters like the Nemesis. _

_He races up a tiny staircase, and I manage up it after him, my wings protesting painfully. I manage to keep him in sight as we race up the stairs, and burst out of them without slowing once. _

_I race by Swindle, who looks far too amused for his own good. If I weren't chasing Viewfinder, I'd bother him about it, but now? I need to know what's on that datapad, and why the Reflectors were so secretive about it!_

_Viewfinder skids around a corner, and I barely manage to keep my damnable heels under me as I follow him. _

_I chase the little glitch all across the Nemesis, and we're running down the corridor that leads to the Rec. Room when Skywarp turns the corner at the far end of the hall. I've yet to gain any ground on Viewfinder, so I shout up at Skywarp, "GET HIM!" _

_Skywarp look from me to Viewfinder with confused amusement, and just as Viewfinder is about to race past him, he casually sticks him leg in Viewfinder's path. A loud *clang* echoes down the corridor and I quickly catch up, pausing to let my intakes cool my overheating systems. _

_Skywarp picks Viewfinder up and examines him curiously, "What the frag did you do to Ravage to have her so mad at you?" Viewfinder still looks dazed, and doesn't answer. Skywarp just shrugs and hands him over to me, "What'd he do?"_

_I grab the little glitch and hack his subspace, grabbing the datapad and dropping Viewfinder. "They hid this from me," I say quietly as I examine the little 'pad. "I don't know what's on it, but I'm going to find out."_

_Skywarp snorts, but doesn't leave. He watches me hack the datapad with ease, but doesn't say anything until the first image of many pops up. _

_Then he winces, "I can see why they wouldn't want you to find these." I don't answer, I'm too busy staring at the image. The first image of hundreds. It's of me, recharging, obviously taken from the vents._

_I look through a few more of the images and see they're mostly of me doing various things, but some are of other mechs too. I find one of Skywarp, and he growls dangerously. I look up to see him more serious than I though possible for Skywarp, and he picks up the still dazed Viewfinder with an ominous glint in his optics. "Delete those. I'll deal with the Reflectors." _

_I nod and head back to Soundwave's quarters, the computer has records and files for all of the viruses we've ever used. There's one I have in mind for this datapad before I generously return it to the Reflectors._

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**[Frenzy]**

I stare up at Ravage in disbelief, "They took pictures?" She nods. "Of _you, _in _recharge?" _She nods again with a grimace. I growl, a million and one plans for revenge racing through my processor.

Ravage laughs quietly, "You don't need to worry about revenge, Frenzy. I think Skywarp's got it covered."

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**[Skywarp (kind of)]**

Skywarp looks up at Viewfinder, Spectro, and Spyglass from where he's glued to them each to trees, a gleeful expression on his faceplates. "You know, right now, there are two tings I'm deeply grateful for. Spring and all that comes with it, and squirrel hormones." Skywarp smirks as a rather large, obviously male squirrel races over to Viewfinder and starts sniffing him. "I bet you'll get lots of good photos from up there!" Skywarp laughs and walks away, ignoring the swarm of distinctively male squirrels racing towards the Reflectors.

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p>

So, I always seem to write a really depressing chapter, and then spend then next few weeks trying to make it not-depressing. That's why this one took so long, and it's still not as ridiculous as I'd like... though challenging myself to make a somewhat funny interrogation may have been a bit much.

Bah... next one should be happier though!

I hope you can figure out the squirrel thing and don't find it _too _weird... it was a random thought and I ran with it.


	7. Misfire

_[1129]_

[name]:bond talk:

"Spoken Cybertronian"

* * *

><p><strong>[Vortex]<strong>  
>I love my job.<br>Not in the way that most would think, too. I love my job because it means that I practically get first priority of all Decepticon prisoners. There are so many mechs here that have grudges against Autobots.  
>Not me! I get to work out my grudges in very painful ways whenever we get prisoners.<br>Of course, now that we're on Earth that frequency has declined, especially since we sometimes return prisoners relatively unscathed for energon and such.  
>But prisoners that have managed to seriously irk almost every single Decepticon on Earth, Cybertron, and anywhere in between?<br>No, they get to stay for a while, and that means that _I _get to play with them until the ever mighty Lord Megatron comes down to lay into them.  
>I can already see signs that my techniques are as good as ever.<br>Who'd have thought that the famous Twins were so scared of fruits?

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**[Ravage]**

Hopefully the Reflectors won't be all that coherent when they finally get out of whatever Skywarp did to them, and they won't notice the extra datapad in their room.

I didn't ask Skywarp what he did, but the exceedingly proud grin was telling enough.

He was happy enough he offered to show me how to balance more easily now that I have heels and wings. Being taught to walk "properly" was somewhat mortifying, especially since it was _Skywarp _that was teaching me to walk _properly_. _Skywarp_ and _proper_ do not belong in the same speech, much less the same sentence.

We eventually got to running, and while he didn't outright insult the way I ran, I get the feeling I looked fairly ridiculous.

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**[Buzzsaw]**

Guard duty is _so boring._

Why do _I _have to guard Wheeljack anyways? It's not like I'd be able to tell if he was building anything dangerous or not! For all I know every surface in this room is capable of spontaneous combustion!

Wheeljack hasn't acknowledged my presence since his first nervous glance, and I'm worried enough about Ravage to stay up here in the corner of the lab where I won't distract Wheeljack.

The first few times Wheeljack pauses I straighten up, ready to screech at him if he doesn't continue working quickly enough, but he just stretches and goes back to his tinkering an calculation muttering.

I have no idea how long I sit in that corner, gracefully perched on top of an empty shelf that I'm reasonably sure doesn't have anything in it capable of offlining me.

Eventually Wheeljack straightens up an doesn't get right back to work.

He turns to look at me, and I can tell he's nervous. Maybe it's the fact I've hardly moved the entire time he's been working?

Regardless, Wheeljack is nervous, and since he wasn't even this nervous when shoved into the lab full of strange chemicals I find myself starting to worry.

"Can you come over here-?"

I stare, he can't seriously expect me to come over there. I don't even know what he's been doing, much less whether or not the strange contraption on the table is dangerous.

Wheeljack continues to stare, "I don't know your designation..."

That's laughable, he probably doesn't even know how sentient I am.

Who knows, perhaps he thinks I'm a strange kind of drone. When Ravage was speaking to him in the brig she wasn't exactly being a model of intelligent conversation, and the taunting Rumble and Frenzy do in the battlefield can hardly be qualified as insulting much less clever.

I carefully glide over to the inventor's table, staying well out of his reach and a careful distance away from the device sitting innocently on the table. The results of a Decepticon's last interaction with a Wheeljack-made device are the reason the blasted inventor is in our base, I'd rather not take any chances.

Wheeljack shrugs, "I think your name is Buzz-something... anyways, I just need to scan you."

I hop backwards. Scan? Nobody said anything about scans. Explosions yes. But scans? Nobody is getting a look at my specs. Nope. I would like my frame's weak point to remain unknown, thank you very much.

Wheeljack sighs, "It won't hurt."

I caw at him, a satisfaction welling up when he flinches.

Unfortunately Wheeljack's flinch is big enough that it causes him to bump the table, and a light flickers on the device.

Wheeljack ducks under the table right as a beeping sound fills the room, and before I can move the device flashes brightly, and everything goes black.

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**[Laserbeak]**

It's almost funny how much the Autobots are freaking out.

I mean, we're fighting a _war _with them, isn't taking prisoners something they should be used to by now?

Ratchet's by far the most affected by the fact that Wheeljack's one of the prisoners, and Bluestreak seems pretty worried about the twins.

I'm relaxing in the lower level vents, far from any of the Autobots and revelling in the peace, when a wave of panic crashes over me. It's enough that I don't freak out, and instead curl into myself in a poor attempt at shielding myself. The panic eventually dulls, and I tentatively look around, wondering what the heck just happened.

There's nothing nearby that would have caused such a strong reaction, involuntary or not, so I slowly relax my bonds with my family.

[Laserbeak]: Status?:

I can feel confusion, amusement, horror, curiosity, resignation, and exasperation swirling about, and I immediately seek out Buzzsaw. He'll know what's going on. Strangely enough Buzzsaw seems to be the source of the horror, and I give him a mental poke.

[Laserbeak]: Buzzsaw? What happened?:

I feel the horror recede a bit, only to be replaced with anger and, strangely enough, relief.

Instead of words, Buzzsaw sends me an image.

It's of a slender mech about the height Ravage is now. He has a nice black and gold colour scheme, and an orange visor. Two large wings flare out elegantly behind him, and I get the feeling I should recognize him.

[Laserbeak]: Who's this? He cute.:

I can feel Buzzsaw gathering his strength, and send a feeling of comfort over.

[Buzzsaw]: Me.:

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**[Ravage]**

I'm incredibly glad that Laserbeak was in a secluded area of the Ark during Buzzsaw's... incident...

Who'd have thought she'd crash upon learning her almost-twin was now a bi-pedal?

On the bright side, at least I'm not alone anymore. Now I have someone to complain with.

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p>

How many of you saw that coming?


	8. Painful Boredom

_[1389]_

_Sorry for the delay. RL bit my in the aft and wouldn't let go._

All grammatical errors are my own. Feel free to point them out!

**[PoV Char]**

-.-.-.-.- = PoV Change.

* * *

><p><strong>[Buzzsaw]<strong>

Ravage is teaching me how to walk. This is humiliating.

Especially since I'm so bad at it.

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**[Ravage]**

Primus above, Buzzsaw cannot walk. It's like he is physically incapable of doing anything other than a weird shuffle-hop thing. I get that it's weird to have a completely different form, but he had two legs to begin with! I had_ four_! It should not be _that _hard to figure out!

Primus, I managed to storm all the way to the Command Center shortly after coming back online! Buzzsaw should at _least _be able to stand, but no~o, he can't even do that.

Instead of complaining _with _Buzzsaw I'm complaining _about _him. This sucks.

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**[Laserbeak]**

I cannot believe I called my _brother _cute_. To his face! _

Not really to his face, through our bond... but still.

And then I crashed, and now Rumble is mocking me. I think Frenzy has a weird personal mission or something, because I keep hearing bits of the _Mission Impossible _theme song from his end of the bond.

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**[Vortex]**

My lovely little fruit twins are recharging now. I think I tired the poor things out. Oh well.

Now my job gets boring. Whenever I have to wait for Hook to repair my guests, or for them to wake up, I become the brig guard. I don't mind when I can taunt my prisoners, but when they're oblivious to my witty insults? Not so fun.

I'm so bored.

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**[Viewfinder]**

My brothers and I finally manage to stumble into our quarters, little tufts of squirrel fur still stuck in all our joints, and collapse in a pile on the floor.

Ravage is so lucky Skywarp was there to stop me. My brothers and I are capable of hiding around the Nemesis for orns on end, she'd never have been able to delete our image captures. Shame we didn't have time to make copies.

I look up, and the datapad is sitting on our shelf. _The datapad. _The one with the photos that got us into this mess.

I crawl out from under Spyglass and Spectro (the slaggers fell on me!) and slowly make my way over to the shelving unit.

I stare at it from all angles before hesitantly touching it, leaping back as soon as I make contact just in case.

Nothing happens.

I sigh and grab it, carefully hooking up to it so I can directly scan the contents of the pad, just in case the photos can be recovered.

Stupid, stupid me.

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**[Frenzy]**

I cannot believe Viewfinder connected directly to the datapad without going through any of the protocol we have in place for Potentially Unsafe Devices (the abbreviation for that is _PUD_, but we all call them _puddings _just to be confusing). Primus, he just fragged off _Ravage. _Did it not occur to him that she would have access to Soundwave's impressive arsenal of viruses?

Regardless, he connects to the _pudding _without a second thought and seizes up within a few klicks. I wonder which virus Ravage put on there, she didn't actually tell me.

Spectro and Spyglass look up when Viewfinder falls to the floor, and run over as fast as their fur-clogged joints will let them.

As soon as they touch Viewfinder they freeze up too, and I grin.

So Ravage used _that _virus.

Excellent.

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**[Laserbeak]**

It's funny, in a sad kind of way, how the Autobots suddenly appreciate Wheeljack and the twins more than ever before now that they're not with them on the Ark. It's like everyone can suddenly only remember the good things, and even the bad things are talked about with a weird kind of fondness.

The only ones not on reminiscing are the officers and Bluestreak. They're trying to figure out what we're up to, though Bluestreak's not being much help. He's just standing next to Prowl looking worried.

I don't like seeing him so worried, but I don't like dealing with an angry Ravage _and _Buzzsaw even more.

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**[Ravage]**

I sigh as Buzzsaw swears and collapses against the berth _again. _His original center of balance must have been _very _different than it is now for him to have such a hard time walking.

I look over at the door as it hisses open, and Skywarp strolls in. He grins at me, "Hey gorgeous, I was in the area and thought I'd stop by."

I smirk at Buzzsaw's incredulous look, "What a coincidence."

Skywarp grins, "I know, right? Craziness!"

Buzzsaw coughs, and Skywarp glances at him, "Hey there Wobbly."

Buzzsaw glares, "I am not _wobbly."_

Skywarp's grin gets bigger, "Oh, of course not. Now that I can see you in action for myself I've decided you're actually Off-Balance."

I give Skywarp and amused look, "Off-Balance?"

Skywarp laughs, "Yeah, we have a mech named Blast _Off, _so why not one named _Off-_Balance?"

Buzzsaw's new wings flare in irritation and he determinedly stands up and starts taking unsure steps around the berth, a servo resting on it as he walks just in case he starts to fall (again).

Skywarp comes over and stands next to me, arms crossed over his cockpit, and watches Buzzsaw try to walk thoughtfully. "You know," He says carefully, "your center of balance is off."

Buzzsaw glares, "Well then, oh wise one, where is it?"

Skywarp rolls his optics and walks over. He then starts showing Buzzsaw how to walk properly, and I can't help but wonder why he's helping us so much. First me, and now Buzzsaw?

Maybe he has a secret agenda, or maybe Starscream came up with a weird plan and convinced Skywarp to help him with it? Maybe this is even some massive prank that will humiliate me and Buzzsaw in some spectacular way I can't see yet.

Skywarp comes back over to stand next to me, and I watch in amazement as Buzzsaw manages to make it around the berth twice without falling over (or even _almost_ falling over) once. I look up at him warily, "Why are you helping us so much?"

He snorts, "I'm bored."

I stare. "Seriously?"

He looks down at me (way down, damn my height) "Uh, yeah. This thing with you and Buzzsaw is the most exciting thing to happen in vorns, I'm not going to watch it pass me by. Besides," his slightly serious expression suddenly gets very lecherous, "I wasn't kidding when I called you gorgeous."

I stare at him in shock, and then kick him in the shin hard enough to leave a small dent, before storming out.

I can heard Skywarp laughing quietly as the door closes, along with a loud _clang _as Buzzsaw falls over again.

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**[Frenzy]**

I find Ravage storming away from the medbay, and I wonder if she finally got Buzzsaw walking. Why else would she have left? Then again, she probably wouldn't look so angry if that was the case.

I shrug and drop down in front of her from the vent, "Hey Ravage. I got that footage you wanted."

Her furious expression turns gleeful, and it's kind of freaky how quickly that happens, "Oh really?"

I snort, "Like I'd screw this up, Ravage."

She turns around and looks back down the hallway towards the med bay, where I'm assuming Buzzsaw still is, before shaking her helm and walking past me. "Let's go see this recording you got, Rumble." I can hear her vicious smile, "My little present was a success then?"

I grin and trot after her, Ravage's slightly longer legs allowing her to walk just fast enough that I can't walk to keep up, "Oh yeah, it worked all right."

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**[Soundwave]**

Wheeljack flinches when he looks up and sees me.

After the incident with Buzzsaw it was decided that the more intimidating Decepticons would keep watch over the inventor, to prevent any future incidents.

I quickly scan the guarding roster, and see that Megatron himself is up next.

An unseen smile graces my faceplates, I don't doubt Lord Megatron will be having a few _words _with Wheeljack regarding the problems he has recently been causing for us.

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p>

The plot thickens!

As always, the Laserbeak-Bluestreak friendship is a reference to chapter 14 of _Spectral Frequencies, _**Blue Laser.** It's just an idea I like and manage to stick in all my fics.


End file.
